my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We just shotgunned beers for America
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
