I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
