i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
