I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
