I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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