$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
