remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
