you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
