Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Randomize
