it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
