I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
