when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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