yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he thought i was a dude.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
