Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
