If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
