I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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