Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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