wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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