i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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