remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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