She's JV to your varsity
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
