Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
