Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
