Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Randomize
