He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
