tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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