the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
