He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
