Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
