I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
