I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
