it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Send help, water and tortillas.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
