Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize