Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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