True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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