I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize