girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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