imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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