u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize