I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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