If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
