All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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