So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
