I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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