U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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