Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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