We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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