Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
