JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
