anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think my moral compass just broke
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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