we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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