How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
