hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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