I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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