dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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