Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the day after is always just damage control
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
