When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
