Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
