Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
