If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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