I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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