paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
