piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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