Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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