i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
