a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
