And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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