I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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