8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
