So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
