So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I have post one night stand depression
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