I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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