my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
as a side note pls kill me
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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