so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We need to rekindle our bromance
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
